I am alive….this is my big revelation….
I repressed so much that I barely recognize myself. ME, Me, me. An easy , and baldy payed job, an easy going husband, a very-very small apartment but affordable, a flat line delta wave – Now I am the very definition of an accomplished nobody. World is spinning without me, nobody is depending on me and while I ware not aware of these facts, I was pretty happy. I am not anymore. I will to as much as I can to finish this part of my life as soon as possible to leave it behind and start a shiny new life that I want. And now I know what I want: recognition. I want to be able to say and formulate my ideas without fear, I want to make them real and I want to profit of them. Too much until now I let other persons have them just because they were in a position of power over me, or they were my friends and family or just because they asked. For a long time my dreams were asleep, but now they are are starting to wake up. I measure my environment with other eyes and it is small and pity. My intellect wants MORE and my first enemy is myself. I declare now war to myself until I change my sleeping pattern, my eating pattern, my working pattern and, what is of the most importance, my thoughts pattern. I will change myself, molding the my persona using my brain and my new vision of myself. And this change will give me enough time to close my accounts with my present way of life – dead end job, Phd program, residence and people that drag me down.